Ten Hearts: A Flashback to Two Years Ago

Keeping people at arm’s distance means I can strong-arm them away from any kind of internal heart damage. No one wants to end up broken hearted…and the closer you get, the harder it can be to push away.

As you inch closer and closer to others, your strings start to intertwine…and you idiot, it becomes as messy as the time you foolishly put all your headphone cords into the same drawer and you soon have to spend a frustrated hour using alternative expletives as you struggle to unravel the mess.

 You know like “Shoots and Ladders” and “Cripes Magoo” and “What the chocolate Monkeys?” as your face turns red and your fingers work to find where the knot formed. That specific point in time where the mess happened in the first place…once you find that you’re golden, but it’s tough, there are multiple chords, and multiple points of entanglement you have to detangle before getting to the source.

…if I took a little bit of time I could successfully compartmentalize the chords, and that entanglement wouldn’t happen.

It’s an easy lesson to be learned with inanimate objects, but with people? That becomes a bit trickier. People come into our lives, makes messes, bring expectations, baggage and personalities that, in no way, perfectly match our own….and yet….there they are…and there I am with a choice, either push back and stay untangled or lean in and intertwine…

I was speeding…It was a fifty minute drive from Green Bay to outer Neenah, my Nissan chugged forward on the highway. Road rage would set in from time to time…and I will NEVER understand the penchant for drivers to sit in the passing lane, parallel to other cars in the right lane. Do they not notice the fact that there is clearly a line of us just waiting to pass?! I think it is their sick way of making others’ lives wholly miserable.

(This road rage God continues to work out of my heart…)

I was, ironically, speeding to a Bible Study, a new Bible Study, in Neenah, WI. I didn’t know what to expect, I had rather invited myself by way of a friend who attended the study. She shared how amazing it was, how connected she felt, how enriched she was by the truths shared in the Study. And so of course, wanting that same thing, I asked to just “check it out”. How can you refuse such a request? I was the kid inviting themselves over for dinner simply by weaseling my way in through the doorway.

So I went to find a piece of the connection my friend had… and arrived, entering into the soft lighting, the laughter, the smiles…and there I was, a stranger among friends, friends who seemed to have known each other for years, not just months.

They were eating dinner…all crowded around a little table, chattering like well-worn cousins at Thanksgiving, excited to share that bit of space together. As I inched my way up the staircase, throngs of shouts came my way. Another chair was squeezed into place, insisting I join them, grab some food, and be part of that family.

But how could I? They all had their jokes, their stories, their pranks and their hearts that were already so full… I was but an additional chair…

But hearts, especially the ones that overflow, seem to find space for one more. And instead of safely strong-arming these hearts surrounding me…in that moment I saw something special, something unique and I chose to lean in that very night.

That night was the first night of many. I was introduced to Bible Study traditions, procedures and each member. There were ten…ten hearts that sat around the living room, beaming as they shared. Those ten hearts had impact on my own in so many ways.

I learned each heart had it’s own unique strengths, personality and addition to our Study.

First heart- Inviting and Wise

Second heart- Loyal and Affirming

Third heart-Joyful and Easy-going

Fourth heart- Truthful and Challenging

Fifth heart- Inviting and Able

Sixth heart-Energetic and Engaging

Seventh Heart-Spontaneous and Enterprising

Eighth Heart-Bold and Loving

Ninth Heart-Steadfast and Attentive

Tenth Heart- Encouraging and Genuine

Really, there’s so much more to each heart … God fashions us fearfully and wonderfully…we are intricate beings and it would be folly to simplify who we are with a couple of descriptive words, yet I wanted to share a snapshot of those people who slowly intertwined into my life.

And so, I began a journey with this new family of mine. I decided to let my heart open, to let both joy and pain inside.

 We shared meals, laughs, outings, adventures together. We prayed for each other. We challenged each other, spiritually and in some cases physically (some members were particularly competitive). In some cases I fought with some and grew closer for it. I chose not to give up when things got hard, but press further into these brothers and sisters God chose to put in my path that night.

I took time, energy, and a lot of gas money in order to let my string get inexorably wrapped tightly to those friends who would allow it.

And I realize in looking back, as I move…life continues forward. I watched a movie recently where the main character quoted “In order to say yes to the future, it meant saying goodbye to my father.”

It hits hard…in order for me to say yes to what God had next for me it meant saying goodbye to these hearts I came to view as family.

But here was God’s truth in it all, we weren’t meant to be alone. And I will carry the lessons learned from these hearts along with me into my new journey, where I will meet new people, get to know new sisters and brothers in Christ. I will be newly challenged and newly encouraged.

One of my last days in Wisconsin…I was given a precious gift. Together these friends and their spouses contributed to a build-a-bear (well bunny). Fashioned in the love that comes from adults willing to go into an overbearing children’s store; they made me my own bunny to take with me on my journey.

But this bunny was quite special…This bunny was stuffed with ten hearts.

 And so those ten precious hearts were packed into my new bunny. Each one scripted with the names of those bible study members who so graciously allowed me to be a part of their lives. I carry them with me to Phoenix, and this bunny represents the both the best and the mess of my friends back in Wisconsin…

And so, I named this blog sight after those hearts that have touched mine, that have spoken God’s truth into my life. Those truths have given me confidence to see who I am in Christ. That I am a messy, messed-up person…but aren’t we all? And when we choose to let people into that mess, we are able to see more and more of God’s heart, His character, the parts of Himself that He instills into each one of His children.

We, each of us, carry God’s spirit inside of us, and we must work together as He individually gifts us and meant us to be one body in Him. And I absolutely love the idea of being united in Christ. We are His family, His sons and daughters

So it isn’t my own heart anymore….

  

And so, by leaning into people, we are trusting that God is intricately placing each knot in position so that, in the end, we become a brilliant tapestry of His glory.